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this is fair [Sep. 26th, 2006|10:55 am]
x_atlas_x
tiny (12:08:54 AM): hey tam this is jen. i have a question. on friday can you promise me that chris isn't going to flip out and make a scene if you guys are both at the same party. because dan is coming and i know chris is gonna come with and i don't want drama or people punching holes in walls. i wanted to tell you this because i didn't invite you for that reason. i'm throwing the party for rob and i know there's gonn abe a lot of alcohol and chris is real bad with that
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whatd i do? [Sep. 24th, 2006|08:48 pm]
x_atlas_x
I have to do this before I start my work.

I wish someone would tell me where i went wrong. Was it last year when I tried to save my own life and i had to disappear for 3 weeks? I feel like a whole year of friendship is bigger than 3 weeks, but I could be wrong. Last year I had people over all the time when they lived in the dorms, making sure everyone had something to do. I know i wasnt the only one, but second semester I think I just about was. This year I've been invited to 2 things. Two out of how many, I cant even tell you. I wasnt invited out in the summer either, when everyone else was. Im included now only if i stop by, forcing you to remember me.

I just want to know what I did. I want to know where I went wrong. Or maybe it was never friendship, and you were all just drinking buddies. Is it because of him? Do I have to be kept away so he can stay happy? What did he do for you ever? I just want to know. Tell me the truth.
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saving this [Sep. 24th, 2006|11:20 am]
x_atlas_x
The Adventures of Tam&Cam include:
wylin outta control, hi gaming, irish jigging in the streets, going on the bridge of the new life science building and trying to get people to look up, screaming random things at our neighbors (i.e. PHYSICS IS MY JAM! I LOVE COMPLETING ASSIGNMENTS!), eating stash pudding, having "moments," getting apples and carmel from the amish ppl, callin out stunners, having lie day, using britslang, and just generally having more fun than you.

camillita, we should play the hi game.
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maternal clock [Sep. 19th, 2006|10:41 am]
x_atlas_x
[I'm feelin' |restlesslonging]

I have a new obsession. Dogs. It's always been there but I feel like I'm in 6th grade again studying my dog book. I want one so bad. I'm looking at houses that allow them, I'm looking into rescues and the aspca. AH. It's intense.
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screw that [Jun. 8th, 2006|06:03 pm]
x_atlas_x
[I'm feelin' |angryangry]

Fucking bank said i was overqualified. What the fuck is that? I've had 3 jobs my entire life. Come on, it's virually impossible. What I'm sayin is, its just a laaaaaaaame as hell excuse.


Dont know what to do tonight. I am in a bad mood and I dont feel like doing anything really, but I know I will.


Freaked out about some phone numbers the other day. Not a good plan.


Sick of summer already,
Tamara Like Camera
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oh le sigh [Jun. 1st, 2006|11:45 pm]
x_atlas_x
I dont know what you want from me
This runing in circles is making me dizzy
I wish you would have thought this through
Now pride keeps my heart from forgiving you
It's so hard to stay aloft
When everything you do makes me go soft
Yet I refuse to hurt, refuse to cry
Refuse to play game and have this all end in a lie
Just give me more time!
Im relearning lessons on how to be alive
Feels like all i've got left is a dying seed of trust
Of course I hurt but i know this break is a must
Yet everyday you find a way to make it harder
And in my pain i just run farther
Like a game of tag that could never end
You blame me, I blame you- we barely pause between the accusations we send
I guess the jauntlet's been thrown down
Now its a who-can-hurt-themselves-worse bount
Well just know that per every drop of blood you shed
... I spent a week laboring for a smile, right up til the end
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(no subject) [May. 20th, 2006|07:09 pm]
x_atlas_x
Summer.

Summer has been a mixture of good and bad. I thought I could make stuff last with Chris til next year but it's just been awful. We have retarded fights every other night. The fights consist of hanging up on each other repeatedly, i'm talking 18 times in a row, and other bullshit. I'm a junior in college. I'm sorry, but this is disgustingly immature and I'm done with it.

The good has been mostly seeing friends. School is too hard for me to go out a lot during the week. I do like 3-5 hours of homework for that class, and I have to do it at the campus bc they have the computer program. The campus is 30 minutes from my house so I cant like leave and eat lunch and then come back. I have to just sit there from 830-430.. which is what i did on thursday. Ohhh it was terrible.

I think I'm going to get a job at Fridays. Either that or Stadium Grille. I'd kind of like a better paying job but I dont think they'd hire me considering I can't work til june 2nd. Theres this medical place near my house. Hmph. No one wants to do anything so I have to wait around til much later. Boo.
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first day of class [May. 15th, 2006|10:05 pm]
x_atlas_x
Started my summer class this morrow. It was kind of fun actually. I'm the only girl out of 8 engineers. It's at Penn State Delaware County. Computer Science. Supposed to be C++ but we are going to use Matlab. Now, Matlab isn't usually used for programming I hear, but that's how we're rolling.

We used this sweet video conference technology. First, we all got our own video cams. Then we all connected and we could see the teacher through his cam on our screen, as well as what was on his computer screen and where his mouse was going and what not, sort of like what Masters uses, only better times a thousand. Whenever we had a question our voice was recorded and he could take what was on our screen and make it go on everyone's computer. That way the class can help you find your mistake. Also, the whole thing is recorded, so if you miss a class, you not only get the whole lecture, you get the questions that were asked! CRAZY COOL!!!!

Anyways, I did the first 3 programs faster than all the boys. Hehe! I'm pumped.

Other than that, I've been chillin with Bort and Ab a lot. Its like high school, only minus the being sad cuz of Ab not talking to me. Cuz now we are friends, and if he wants to be quiet its casual. I can't wait til this class is done and my mom goes to england. It's going to be ridiculously relaxing.
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angry [May. 10th, 2006|12:33 pm]
x_atlas_x
[Current Location |gaytown]
[I'm feelin' |bitchybitchy]
[Rockin' out to |lorene drive]

Dear One,
I keep a screenname on at all times just in case you might want to talk to me. When times get tough I think of how you hurt me and resolve to become a robot.
Dear Two,
I run around masquerading as your best friend, when really I have all of your half-naked pictures stored away for each and every rainy day. And yes, that rhymed. You are my perfect girl.
Dear Three,
I say inappropriate things to you and encourage your awful behavior because I love the attention. I keep your fully naked pictures on my computer so that I can send you text messages about them on snowy days (I'm already busy in the rain.)
Dear Four,
I would do anything to look cool for you. Please keep making fun of one of my only friends.
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know me... one [May. 4th, 2006|02:13 pm]
x_atlas_x
I have a sincere devotion to the planet. Recycling makes me excited. I believe in nuclear power because it doesn't pollute, it's neat, and it will make me money. I will agree that the waste is a difficult issue. In regards, I support Yucca Mountain. I wish we all didn't drive so much. I wish people wouldn't litter in the middle of the fucking woods. Have a party, enjoy it, but then clean up. The only thing I'm not very good about is conserving water. I'm a leave-the-water-on-while-I-brush-my-teeth kinda girl. I also maybe sorta enjoy washing dishes? But I take my time, and I use up that water. I love animals, especially horses. I've been riding since I was five. One day I will own a horse. It's at least 35% of the reason I'm in engineering. I also love squirrels. They are cute as hell. I can name any breed of dog I see walking down the street, and I'm not too shabby at guessing mixes. How you ask? When I was little I studied a dog encyclopedia everyday. It had pictures and facts, and I enjoyed every bit of it.

I've lived in a lot of places. Growing up I hated it, but now looking back it was one of the greatest things that could have happened to me. I met a lot of people, saw a lot of things, experienced many different cultures, and got a varied education. The only thing I feel I missed out on is "growing up" with someone. I don't have any childhood friends that I still see everyday. But at the same time, I have 6 different "best friends growing up" scattered around the U.S., and yeah, I do know whats up with most of their lives still. We dont talk everyday but man, when I go back to visit, it's like I never left at all. I even know the kid I played with in my playpen. We've spent some holidays together, had a few parties. Anyways... Michigan was my favorite place to live, but every place had its own character. In Alabama I lived in a sweet white brick house. The farm I rode at was gorgeous. The southern accents were gorgeous as well. In Puerto Rico there was banging food. I lived in a penthouse. When the ocean was really calm I would swim out as far as I could and my dog would try to come save me. I didnt want her to get hurt, so thats why I only did it on calm days, and I always came back halfway to meet her. I would go in the water in my clothes because I would just be there walking her, I never knew when the water would be calm. My school was pretty cool there, there was only 16 people in my grade. Hearing spanish everyday is an interesting experience, as well as being the minority. It was hard to not be able to order what I wanted, or speak to strangers if I needed to. And I was pretty young, so I wasn't allowed to go outside by myself, or anywhere by myself really, because there is too much crime on the island. But now when I go back to visit I got out to bars and to Old San Juan and it's glorious. And in Michigan, oh Michigan, everything just clicked with me. During the summer, the weather is spectacular. It never gets disgustingly hott. Our town, Petoskey, is on Lake Michigan, so we had state parks that had sand beaches and fresh water to swim in. There there were all the little lakes. My best friend had a boat and we'd rock it every so often. This was in middle school. My town was so small that I had complete freedom. I would go downtown with my friends and do whatever I wanted. Coming from Puerto Rico, where I couldnt even step outside alone, this was an incredible feeling. I loved my friends, I've never met a cooler group of kids. Small town kids know how to live, they have to find ways to entertain themselves. Michigan is also where I learned how to deal with people. Before MI, I was pretty quiet. Prone to wylin out of control but it was a rare thing. I was an A student, hardcore about it, I read a few novels a week, the works. But in MI I really came out of my shell. I became more of a people person. Brad taught me how to manipulate, and lets face it, this is a lesson we all must learn at some point. It's not something you have to practice in everyday life, but it can get you out of a jam. The winters in MI were insane. It snows so much up there, like holy shit. When I came to PA and the world shut down because of a foot of snow I could not believe my eyes. MI rocks 3 feet of snow like there's no problem. There aren't two hour delays or anything, the roads are cleared and you go on livin. I skiied at least four times a week. The ski hill, Nubs Nob, was another place where I had complete freedom. All of my friends would be there and we'd pass each other, maybe go into the lodge to eat the condiments. Seriously, we took the pickles and dipped them in ranch dressing, and it was delicious. During the school year we'd all go to the movies every friday night. Everyone almost. It was always packed. Didnt matter if you already saw the movie, it was just something to do. We'd take up the whole back of the theater. Sometimes we'd go on saturday too, if it felt right.

thats all for now
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